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Whenever anyone dared to broach the subject, usually someone would quickly pounce on the thread and sully it with some juvenile comment about Chinese men that wasn't all that different from that Long Duk Dong movie still.

The worst of these threads generally devolved into a low-brow, expletive-laden conversation more appropriate for a bathroom stall.

As I continued to date the locals in China and eventually married a fellow from Hangzhou, I would come to realize that most expat women in China agreed with my Zhengzhou colleagues. A European woman I worked with in 2001 famously told me that, while she found all Chinese men completely repulsive, she considered Chinese children so adorable.

But some of my most fascinating and educative encounters with this idea of "Chinese men as undateable" happened online, when I came face-to-face with these opinions distilled into the cold, black-and-white reality of blog posts and expat forums.

And I as I came to know him better, he didn't disappoint me.

He always opened doors for me and wouldn't leave my side until he escorted me all the way to the entrance to my apartment.

In the still, he's locked in an awkward slow-dance embrace with a girl an entire head taller than him, but that's not even the worst of it.

The experience of being in a foreign country and culture somehow liberated us from our usual American expectations for men and dating itself. We could even reinvent ourselves and what it meant to be in love with someone.

It seemed natural and normal to do the same in China.

The question haunted me as I pondered my crush on Tian.

But it wouldn't be the last time I would find myself up against these ideas.

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